I’m too lazy to go trough the entry to check spelling mistakes, etc. So, I apology in advance.
Had a nice evening with a couple of friends yesterday. We started with a small pre-party before going out and ended it with a after-party with karaoke that we didn’t end before morning. Everyone was in a good mood, my friends made me forget about the stress – it felt so good to forget about all the worries. I’m sad we didn’t take any pictures I can upload…
But here’s the outfit and makeup! Went for a very simple look, black dress and no special accessories, but red lipstick will always save me no matter what!
I got this dress from Marita as a present. She has a really good taste!
I’ve decided to work more on my self confidence, I’ve just realized how destructive my thoughts really are. I guess I haven’t been aware about it since I’ve been focusing on forcing myself to think positive and not to let myself feel so much. When people are complimenting me, I usually wonder if they’re trying to hint about something or if they’re being sarcastic. It’s not necessarily to write in details, and I’m not telling that I don’t have any reason to feel like this, because I really do. But it’s more serious than I thought, I hope I will get out of this soon.
One example was when a friend of mine complimented me. He told me that I looked much more healthier and looked so much better since last time we met (last time we met was over three years ago, when I was a XXS). He joked and said he used to be afraid of breaking my bones in my body when we hugged, but now he could finally give me a proper hug. I knew this was meant as a nice compliment and that he told me he preferred how I looked now. But instead of taking the compliment to me, my stupid brain automatically thought that he meant that I looked fat. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I hate my «new» hips and felt really uncomfortable.
Ahhh, I know this sounds like those stereotypical thoughts every girl and women have, but I usually don’t give a f about what other people thinks. I’ve never done that before. This is a result of something that happened in the summer, and even though I got out of it I’m still struggling with different things. These negative thoughts about myself is one of them.
It’s kinda crazy to think that I’m usually easy to cheer up, good friends can brighten up my days easily, like yesterday – but I’m hopeless when it comes to helping myself. I really have no idea about how to cheer myself up, I’m usually stuck in my dark thoughts until someone drags me out of it. Why can’t I be like everyone else where shopping and Ben & Jerry’s are enough to make you feel good?